Watch Out! Turbulence Ahead

My intention for this year is to center my life in peace. It’s a daunting goal as this is an election year. I expect that the amount of hate-spewing and divisive rhetoric will escalate as 2016 goes on. I refuse to internalize it or return it. 

Along with my standard resolutions to continue to strive to eat healthier, spend time in quiet meditation and prayer, and walk and exercise more, I am adding ways to take care of myself during the expected turbulence.  My action plan is below. I’d like to hear how you plan to stay sane during this election year.

My plan of action:

• Limit the amount of news I watch—once a day is sufficient 
• Listen to uplifting music
• Record my favorite TV shows and watch them later so I can fast forward through the political ads. (I recognize that any ad created by a super PAC will mostly lie or stretch to pants-on-fire lies designed to fill me with fear—a controlling mechanism. The politicians’ ads won’t be much better.)
• Watch the debates (this requires a glass of wine) paying attention to those who talk about how they plan to fulfill their promises 
• Check out the candidates’ website for details on how they (or we) will pay for those changes
• Check out all political claims or statements using Politifact—a non-partisan fact checker
• Monitor my Facebook page to assure there will be no contentious political commentary. (My page is for survivors who have had enough fear, unkindness, and chaos in their lives.)
• I will not post any hate-spewing posts
• I will not post any snarky jokes about either party or any politician
• I will temporarily hide anything I receive from a Facebook friend who does
• Cast my vote in the primary elections and in the general elections in November

It won’t be easy to get through this year without becoming outraged and frustrated with our election process and parties. Please don’t let that stop you from voting. Your voice must be heard.

As we sail into this new year, knowing that there is a hurricane ahead, let’s show each other love, respect, and kindness. Let’s listen as well as talk. Let’s not allow people with their own agendas to divide us and pit us against each other. 

A quote from Jesus that Abraham Lincoln used during his turbulent times has been in my thoughts for the last several years—“A house divided against itself cannot stand.” From talking with others, I know that we agree on much more of the things we want for this country than issues we disagree on. This year I will continue to hold on to that fact.

Oh, and yes, I will also remind myself to breathe.

A Ceremony of Gratitude

Since the fall, 3 women who were pivotal in my life passed away. Two were in their mid-80s and my mother was 96. Vastly different women, but all gave me gifts that made me who I am today.

Alice passed away first. She was a mother of 5. Loved each child like a rock. Always had a pot of something good on the stove and made room for any extra folks that tagged along come dinner time. When I was in her presence, I felt loved as a part of her family. She was fun and playful, and always had a sparkle in her eyes. She and her husband were a team and very much in love. I wanted to have a big heart like hers. I wanted my children to know that I loved them like a rock. It was during a 4th of July party at her house that my former husband blew up at me and outed himself as an abuser. It was she who stood up to my spouse and protected me.

My mother passed away a few weeks after Alice did. She’d had a difficult early life and wasn’t a touchy-feely kind of mother. In spite of her pain, she focused on the good things in her life and was always quick to tell one of her funny life stories. I also learned from the sayings she was always quoting: You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Whatever you do— give it 100%. If someone doesn’t like you—kill them with kindness, you’ll either win them over or drive them crazy. She was the one who told me it is never okay for a man to hit a woman—never. (That became my touchstone to what I’d put up with when it came to abuse. Now I know that abuse is much more than hitting.) She taught me to be kind to others. When I needed her most, she was there.

Helen was my sister-in-law’s stepmom. When my former husband took me away from my family, we moved to the area where Helen and her husband lived. She was stylish, feminine, and strong. She managed a department of a store. Having been raised feeling I was mousy and unattractive and having a spouse who saw me as a millstone around his neck, my self-image was in the dumpster. But Helen made me feel intelligent, beautiful, and feminine. She saw things in me that no one else had ever recognized. Characteristics that I hoped I’d developed. She made me feel worthy.

Distance and timing of notification prevented me from attending the funerals of my dear friends. My mother, who had outlived her peers, had insisted that she didn’t want anything more than a graveside service. Thinking about these three women I needed more than a phone call or lowering of the casket into the ground. I needed a recognition ceremony, one that acknowledged their cherished place in my life. 

I gathered three candles together and set them on my prayer/meditation table. As I lit one for each of these unique women, I thanked God for them, for the lessons they’d taught me, and especially for their love and encouragement at my most difficult times. I looked at pictures, remembering their gestures, smiles, and laughs. Gratitude filled me. It was a holy moment.

It wasn’t much of a ceremony but it was enough to ease my heartache, acknowledge them and say goodbye. We often think ceremonies have to be overseen by a faith leader. They don’t. We can create our own.

Here on the cusp of a new year, I'm thinking of a ceremony that celebrates the joys from 2014 and releases the sorrows. Maybe you'd like to join me in spending a quiet moment reflecting on all the blessings received this past year. Then spend time unpacking the painful stuff so we don't carry it into 2015.

I count you all among my cherished blessings. Wishing you a joy-filled 2015.

Set Your Wings

My husband and I took Watson, our dog, for a walk in a local park. As we rounded a corner leading to a duck filled pond, my husband said, “Look.” He pointed to a flock of birds flying overhead. “Watch as they set their wings to come in to land on the pond.” As he predicted, they all held their wings steady and gently glided down to the occupied pond. Each one landing among the floating ducks without disrupting any. 

This was an aha moments for me. I’ve been reading a lot about the power of intention lately. Gary Zukav talks about it in his book “The Seat of the Soul.” Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer and others. They have a lot to say about it, starting with knowing we can live with the intention to be kind and loving or angry and frustrated. On to asking for the right partner, job or situation to come into our lives. This is not a new concept. The Bible tells us to ask, seek, knock, and trust that it will be so. The more difficult of those for me is trust.

As I’ve struggled with this belief over the years, I’ve learned that we can also put our intention into hopeless places, hanging on to wishes and dreams that are not in our best interest or are thwarted by other’s intentions. 

Years ago, I thought my intention  to create a happy, loving, mutually fulfilling marriage was reasonable.  It was. However, I included a caveat that it would be with someone who was not a willing participant. I was intent on beating the odds that our marriage would work out. I tried to manifest my vision from a anxious, grasping, hang-on-at-all-costs mind-set. I was so determined to save that marriage that I couldn’t see the damage it was doing to me as well as my children. When I had exhausted all my energy, I faced the truth that I would never have the kind of marriage I’d hoped for with this person. His vision was vastly different from mine. When I surrendered my will to God’s, the marriage ended.

I didn’t lose the intention to live in a happy marriage, I just quit holding on to who I expected would be my partner. My mind-set was now from a place of peace and trust. I set my wings, and rode the breath of God to my current husband. Every day I am grateful for him and cherish every moment we share.

Along the same line, we can set our intention to work in a job that matches and fuels our passion in life, or one that just keeps bread on the table but sucks all the joy out of us. The choice is ours alone. I believe that we come to this earth with a God-given passion inside us. Sometimes we get side-tracked and we feel frustrated and unhappy. We can aim to find a job that fulfills us by keeping our options open to what that job might be. Then pay attention to open doors and whispered directions from our spirit, guiding us to opportunities, paid and unpaid. It takes trust. 

• Trust that each job or activity provides us with a skill we’ll need for that perfect job.

• Trust in our intuition (our gut) as we pick between opportunities.

• Trust that we will arrive at exactly the right place at the right time with the right skills.

The duck landing was a beautiful example for relaxing into a new year. We can set our intention, then quit flapping around. We’ll weather the difficulties and neither let self-doubts take us off course nor do we try to fly faster. We let things unfold in their own time as we slide into our God-given purpose on this earth. All we have to do is stay open and aware. All will be well.

 I’ve set my wings for the New Year. How about you?