At the foundation of violence against women are three basic building blocks: women have lesser value, women are property, and the objectification of women.
Tony Porter is one of the leading advocates working to end violence against women by the socialization of men, promoting healthy, respectful manhood. If you haven’t heard of him, you will.
He is not only calling men out but more importantly, he is calling men in. Violence against women is the #1 health concern for women in this country and abroad. He believes that the socialization of men is key to ending abuse. “It’s not just a women’s problem. Women alone cannot stop it.”
In his talk at the DAIS luncheon in Madison, Wisconsin, he laid down the “man rules” young boys are taught: be tough, courageous, dominating, no pain, no emotions but anger, no fear, don’t act like a girl, be a heterosexual. These form the parameters of what Porter calls the Man Box. He is working to help men and boys see how they have been socialized and the damage it can cause. “The liberation of men is tied to the liberation of women.”
In his work with members of major sports teams, he asks, “When a coach says you’re playing like a girl, what does that say about women?” He asked us to think about the messages we send to our sons when we say, “Big boys don’t cry,” or “Don’t be a sissy.” What does that tell them about expressing emotions? Boys learn to hold in their feelings and be dominant at any cost. The greatest cost is to girls and women.
When I first started going to these fundraising luncheons for our shelter, few men attended. This year there were quite a few. Porter asked the men in the room to stand if they were actively helping boys learn how to be healthy men. Many did. When Porter asked the men stand who would now take up the cause, many more stood. It touched my heart. I think we are heading in the right direction.
Tony Porter is the Chief Executive Officer of A Call To Men, an organization working to advance social issues. He is an adviser to the National Football League, National Basketball Association, National Hockey League, Major League Soccer, and Major League Baseball. He is an international lecturer, presented at the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women, and worked with West Point and the US Naval Academy at Annapolis. He is the author of Breaking Out of the Man Box.
Check out Porter’s TED talk. (Tony Porter on TED)
